Establish Yourself (In A Group), Or Get Run Over: 4 ways I didn’t let that happen!

 

Wednesday night, as I travelled home from a meeting in another city, some familiar words came to me: “If you do not establish your place (in a group), you will get run over”. I don’t know why, but I smiled and wrote it down because I think I had a full circle moment.

Several weeks ago, perhaps even 2 months ago, I am not sure, I was confiding in a good male friend of mine about my struggle to find my stride and my place in our new found initiative, Unleash Potential Group. As I have mentioned before, I am the Head of Communications and Marketing Coordinator of the group, and I was a tad insecure about my abilities as young professional in my field. I expressed these feelings to a good friend of mine and he gave me a myriad of great advice such as, “if you don’t know just say something and we can figure things out as a group”, which was true. However, the one piece of advice that sorely stood out was, if you do not establish yourself in a group, you will get run over.

I deeply internalized that because, he was right, it was true and I did not want that to happen. However, I was preplexed as to how to NOT let this happen, how should I rectify this situation? What could I do so I don’t get overlooked, that I am heard, but more so what do I bring to the table that is valuable and no one else brings? Oh yes, I had all of this questiong circulating in my mind. Looking back, here’s what I did.

1. I prayed. I believe in God and in all his greatness and his counsel. I asked him to show me how I can stake my claim in this group and show my value, that I am heard and not over looked.

 

2. Talked to people. I spoke to my sister, also a #GirlBoss and a no nonsense woman, who could relate to me and my situation. She sympathized with me, sent me to pray but before she did she encouraged me to always speak up to give my opinion, share my thoughts because everyone deserves to be heard. The same male friend told me to “make sure your present!”, not just physically in meetings by filling an empty chair, but mentally. Be prepared and let it rip! Lastly, my boss, explained that it was okay to feel this way, it’s all new and almost everyone in the group most likely feels the same way I do. They may feel like they do not know what they’re doing, they may not know which way is left (not literally lol), struggling to find their place in the group. However, what I need to do is keep doing you, keep showing up and working your hardest and always be willing to learn. Then, eventually the feelings you have will dissipate.

 

3. I continued being me. I took bits of everyone’s advice but I mainly continued being me! I continued being me. I’m an extrovert and a natural communicator, so I asked questions, I gave my ideas and opinions. I did (and I am continuing to do) my best at all my tasks to the best of my ability . I called people the needed to be called, arranged for projects to be executed, coordinated with my team, delegating tasks, following up with people, found solutions to issues. And I am finding the joy in it.

 

4. Journalling.I keep track as much as I can of my progress. I write down how I’m feeling, what I liked for the day, what I don’t like and I use it as way to measure my progress. It helps.

 

A funny thing happened.

At Wednesday’s meeting, a colleague said something about me that stood out, he said  “Solange, when you speak everyone stops and listens”. I thanked him, of course because it’s a beautiful compliment  but also, it resonated with me because it means that I am heard! What I say has importance, it deserves and requires your attention. This was my full circle moment

So, establish yourself in the group or else you will be run over? Reflecting, I  realized in the mist of it all, I asked myself a few questions: Who are you? Who do you want to be in the group? And is that how you do want to be perceived? I had not immediately realized  that the process was answering these questions for me. That this group is teaching me about myself i.e. that I will NOT allow myself to be run over and I will be heard. That I should leave all fears and insecurities at the door and face them head-on because that’s how you learn and grow the most. .

I am not trying to simplify my process by any means, it took a while for me to get to my current realization. I am certain that there will be many more “ah ha!” moments for me as I progress. It takes time. Remember that.

Now, reading my own short story, I am wondering how many other people have felt this way? How did you deal with it?/How are you dealing it? I’m super curious. Let me know in the comment section.

Blessings,

Sol