Monday Motivation: Putting you before me?! NOPE!

Do you ever help someone else before you help yourself? If you do, don’t you find it easier to do so before helping yourself? I have noticed that I find it easier to help or do something for someone else than doing something that is a priority for myself. OFTEN!

Now this is not to say, that I do not put myself first EVER, but sometimes I find it “easier” to place myself “on hold” and to help someone else. By easier, I mean , you unconsciously place the things that should be number 1 on your list, lower and lower on your list.Sometimes,I don’t realize that I do this. When I think  more in-depth about this, I believe this happens because I know people are relying on me. They are expecting something from me, a report, a press release, a favor something!

Putting other’s before ourselves has always been an issue for women not soley in business or in the office, but in general. I know I would read and hear stories about this. At home, in projects, clubs and the like. It’s an aspect that helps soldify the Glass Ceiling. It’s not a new issue, but it is still a relevant one. Women are helpers and nuturers by nature  and are expected to behave that way. They are expected to willingly help and do things for others, to be liked, and be a great time player,, especially in business. Why? The penalaites are harhser for womae than for men. The Bussiness Insider’s “Why It’s Harder For Women To Say No  To Extra Work”aricle  gives a great and deeper explanation.

I  recently (within the last week) recognized that I too conformed to the expected behavior, doing favors and placing other before myself, but I have come to the EARLY realization that this has to stop. I have to selectively…….say NO to others, and say YES to myself. I have to make a bigger and stronger effort to place myself first and everyone else comes afterwards.

Let me be clear,  I’m not saying that you cannot  do a favor for someone, once in a while. What I am saying is that do not become the go to  favor person for everything. Thus, decreasing your work value, productivity and even time you have to work on projects or areas that actually are  your responsibility.  Forbes Women’s article “Ï Just Can’t Say No” explains this more into detail, explaining how women lose out on promotions  and recognition at times because they cannot say no.

Another thing I have to learn is to strategically say NO. To remember the goals and dreams I am actively working towards and be in alignment with them.I am not saying that you have to say NO to everything and everyone, but be sure what you are saying ‘no’ to, the power it gives you, and what it may cost you as well.

In addition, I don’t want to be suckered into saying ‘yes’, because I may feel guilty for saying ‘no’. This is something I am learning, and I am getting better at it, if you do not want to do it, and you have your reasons that aligns with your character, goals and dreams than don’t do it. If by doing something takes away from your focus to “help” someone else and leaves you neglected, do NOT do it!

What’s the take home message?  Some people will continuously ask you to help them because they know, that you cannot say no’. There is nothing worng with doing a favor once in a while , but don’t become the go to favor person. It does not help you  climb the ladder (if that  is in indeed what you want) or receivce a raise  in salary.  It does reinforce the Glass Ceiling and who has time for that?

Tell me how you feel about this topic below! Let’s talk!

Blessings,

Sol