FLOTUS

 

Over the weekend,  I watched a recent conversation between my new good girlfriend in my head, the FLOTUS, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey at The  United States of Women Conference. During thier conversation, Mrs.Obama dropped some serious knowledge gems that I think all women (and men), can learn from. I’m going to share what I took from the conversation that really coincides with the journey I am on. Some of these points may not be new to you, but they may introduce you to a different perspective.

• Our 1^st job as women is to get to know ourselves

The longer I live, the more this point becomes clearer to me. As a grow more into myself, I learn more and more. It’s scary sometimes, but the experiences that I have introduced me to the kind of woman, that do and do not want to be. They help me decipher what I do and  do not want in a partner or life. Mrs.Obama, my good girlfriend, said something that stuck out to me she said “It takes taking the time to get to know yourself to deal with society and the world’s expectations of you”. The world has created this pre-conceived notion of what a woman is, what she does, what she should aspire to be, look like and behave. We have been conditioned by society, the various media outlets and sources what we should aspire to be as women. They, anyone that is not YOU have written the definition of a woman that we all have to abide by. However, you have to define who YOU are! You are all unique and not to be suckered into someone else’s definition of what you should be or what a woman is. The question is, who do you want to be? This comes from knowing who you are, which does not happen overnight .

• Take control of your time!

Mrs.Obama said it very clearly, “we need to take control of our time! Why? Because people will gobble it up”. We have to learn to PRIORITIZE OURSELVES  aka putting yourself first; learning when to say to “no” others  and “yes” to yourself.  I perceived this point as not being selfish but making sure that you are in a position to help yourself before you can help others. That way, you never compromise yourself, your time or sell yourself short. You have to put you first because it all comes back to knowing who you are. Knowing what your value is and using that as your leverage to make the right demands in the appropriate situations. That way you do not get the short end of the stick, because you know exactly who you are and what you stand for.

My good girlfriend, gave an example of how she didn’t compromise herself to get a job. It was when she just had her last child, and she has going to a job interview for a Vice-president position of a foundation. She did not have a babysitter, so she took her daughter with her to the interview and laid all the cards on the table. Simply saying this is me, this is my reality, I know I can do the job and I can do it very well, but if you want me, you’re  going to have to take and accept all of me. Mind you, Mrs.Obama at this point had accumulated the experience and the profile needed, so her work spoke for itself, therefore she had the leverage. However, the point i, she didn’t compromise herself, in fact she knew who she was and  was unapologetic about it. In the end, she got the job! All of this comes from knowing yourself and your value!

•  Surround yourself with goodness and handling haters

It’s imperative to always, as much as you can and as best you can, surround yourself with great people. These individuals can be your parents, friends, talking cats, just likeminded, innovative and positive people that are going to encourage and support you! What we need to realize is that we are products of our environment, which means that the people (or things in your environment) in some way and capacity, over time influence us. As humans, we can be subliminally or directly susceptible to the goings-on in our environment, which we then incorporate into our own lives, behaviors, way of thinking and speaking. This can potentially have a negative or positive effect on us. In other words, be very careful who (and what) you allow into your space. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before and I presume that there is some truth to it (Feel free to challenge me on this point in the comment section, if you disagree).  Now, If you do not have these positive people in your life, you will have to make room for them, by removing these negative people  and seeking out those you need.

Now, dealing with haters, she encouraged everyone in the audience and around the world to take the joy of proving people wrong! It is because the best revenge is SUCCESS AND GOOD WORK. She ended that question  simply saying that “ People don’t remember what people say about you, they remember what you do!”. She dropped some serious truth!

• It’s hard to have it all

. In today’s world, women are ruling more and more. I love it! Some of us want it all, the career, the house, the husband, the family, the car and the happiness. Hell, I want it all too.  Mrs.Obama, (my good girlfriend in my head) carefully explained that having it all, at once, is hard. There is nothing wrong with wanting it all or having it all, but be careful with wanting/ having it all at ONE TIME. It is there the difficulty lies, because something has to give. One area in having it all, will suffer for the rest. I don’t think you cannot have it all, but I do think that there will be one area that will suffer. She continued to explain that because you may not have it all one time (which many of us are striving for) DOES NOT MAKE YOU’RE FAILURE. You DID NOT FAIL. You are not less than a woman. It just means that it (whatever having it all means to you) will come later on in your life. Mrs.Obama, dropped  gems of knowledge by mentioning that there are many stages of life and just because you did not have the house in this current stage of life, does not mean you won’t get the house in the next, for example. You may not have it all now, that is fine , but it will come as you go through life. And sometimes, you have to compromise (depending on your situation) to get it.

I know this may be true for many of you, as the dynamics of the world are changing and we feel as though if we do not keep up we will fall behind (one of my fears). However, I feel as though, again this comes back to knowing who you are and what you want in life. This point resonate heavily me because I want it all! I am chasing my independence  and my good girlfried Mrs.Obama gave me a different perspective to think about, to consider.

• You are always growing, you are never done

Lastly, you cannot become complacent. You cannot think that after you arrive at a certain point in life that your are done growing or learning, NO! Life has many phases to it and it’s when you are at the end of it, lying on that bed (death) and reflecting ( if you are lucky) that you see it come full circle. We are never done learning, growing and becoming great.

These are the 5 things that I got from this Mrs.Obama’s  conversation. And what I found was the common thread throughout her message was knowing who you are and valuing yourself are so important.However,  you need to give yourself time to do  both. I think this is so important and I understand that this is an ongoing process. It will all eventually makes sense.

If you are interested in seeing this conversation, here’s the video:

 

Blessings,

Sol