That’s not MY business

Happy Friday !!!

Now let’s get to it, shall we?

I was having a conversation the other day with a good good friend of mine about a number of things. I really don’t remember what exactly we were speaking about or how we go to the this topic,but I do remember her mentioning that  in general she does not want to be in her parents’ shadow. She does not want people to always associate her with her background, where she came from and how she grew up. Immediately, my mind began to race, thoughts began to accumulate, words began to form and before I knew it… BAM! I had to stop her. I had to because what it sounded like (to me ) was, she was (semi –) concerned about what  others thought about her. Now, we’re all human and many of us have fallen victim to this on numerous occasions, I’m sure (FYI, I’m focusing on the negative comments).

I can share my experience. Due to my upbringing and the family to which I belong, people’s percetions and expectations of me were voiced uninhibitedly. To those outside of my family, I am expected to be no less than successful. Anything other than that is … well, unacceptable. Let me be clear, again, this is what outsiders expected of me. This is not what my family expected. Of course, they wanted me to do well, exceed their sucess even. They have always encouraged me to strive for excellence because I had the example in my household (well the idea of it) but, I never had or experienced an overwhelming pressure from them. What I’ve had to deal with is what outsiders expected of me because of my family ties.

Throughout my primitive years, I denied it and I rejected it. I was ridiculed for it and had it thrown in my face. “You are only getting ahead, because of who you father is.” Those kind of comments.
I quickly had let go of those kind comments because I realized that my parents already lived their lives and done what they needed to do to advance themselves. As a result of their hard work, their children would benefit from it, as it should be.  Each generation is supposed to be better than the next, it’s like Darwin’s evolution, if you ask me.

But I digress, I have resolved myself from what people think of me or expect from me based on my family ties ( which I had no control over obviously).  Because, again, I realize it is now MY time. In fact, it’s none of my business what others think of or about  me, especially when its negative! Their negative thoughts or words have absolutely NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with them.

Don’t throw tomatoes at me just yet, allow me to elaborate some more. Of course, there are times when the opinions of others do matter. For example, for brands, businesses, the Court of Public Opinion and even when seeking advice. I will even go so far to say that negative comments can help build your character, but that is when you know the difference between hateful comments and constructive ones. However, for personal growth, in my opinion, I feel that negative comments about yourself, from others should not be allowed to enter the temple that is your mind and body. They should not be taken on because let’s face it, we can beat ourselves up on our own. We don’t need the help of others. So, does being a open vessel for other people’s negative perceptions and comments really benefit you? Like the saying says, “I can do bad all by myself”.

These thoughts, opinions and perceptions are none of your business and when you make them your business, you run the risk of taking on a battle that is much bigger and perhaps more detrimental that you could imagine. Think of your self-esteem and your self-confidence. It’s hard to do I know.  I fall for it sometimes, but what I always seem to remember when such comments do come my way is that, I am ME. It’s MY time and chance to build the kind of reputation and career I want to have. And, whatever it may be that is bothering that person that is spewing  mean or hurtful comments towards me, for whatever reason, it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them (and what’s going on in their lives). They are projecting how they feel onto you thus, making you feel that you’re the problem. Everyone has problems, and everyone deals with them differently. Some act out, others conceal it very well. But like Kermit says: That’s none of my business! Unlesssssss you want to make your business, of course.

Perhaps, I have a very nonchalant way of perceiving this topic, you don’t have to agree with me (leave it in the comments section below). However, I see this as a way of protecting yourself, and your mind in building very strong sense of SELF. In other words, I view my way of looking of this topic as protecting YOU.  What do you think?

Blessings,

Sol